In 2009, I started this blog as a way to express my sexuality. I was very happily married, and I had had a breast reduction that left me feeling very perky :) At the time, my husband and I had an incredibly active sex life, even after all our years together, we were still very into each other, and I wanted to share that with the world. And, so I blogged until 2011, when suddenly things changed...
Hubby was diagnosed with liver disease, and I had uterus cancer that required a full hysterectomy. I recovered nicely from the surgery, and hubby's liver is healing very well. We remained happily married with a healthy sex life, but it just never got back to where it was prior to our illnesses.
In the past few months, our lives have changed even more...
We had always talked about introducing other women into our sex lives, but this was different. Hubby had become very close with one of my friends, and I could quickly see how things were changing between them. We always had a great relationship, and I was still very happy with him, but he seemed distracted. She began declaring him her best friend, and he said the same of her. He stopped sharing details of their conversations, and the more I questioned him the more he hid what was happening. I would soon find out that my husband of 21 years was in love with this other woman; a devastating blow to what I thought was the perfect marriage.
It's been an emotional ride over the past few months, as I'm learning to deal with his new relationship, and he's trying to figure out just exactly what this means for him and us. I know he continues to make me happy, and I want to still be married to him. He knows he still loves me, but he loves her, too, and he wants her as his best friend. She says she loves him and will always want more, but will settle for being his best friend as long as he is with me. For sure, a very big mess!
So, as all this has unfolded, I've felt crushed, angry, unloved, humiliated, and doubtful, but more importantly I've found myself thinking about Violet, my alter ego, the pre-illness me that wouldn't have been so devastated to find sex talk on my husband's phone from another woman. The old me that would have been confident enough in myself and my marriage to know that I can still make him happy, the me that wouldn't have felt threatened by this other woman. I've thought a lot about what I want out of life and what's important to me.
So, I'm giving me another chance. I'm a survivor and I'm ready to live and explore. I'm bringing Violet back...and Violet is feeling vampy!